Breakups…how to move on – fast!


Whether it’s a couple of dates, a couple of months or even years, I have found it hard in the past to simply ‘wash that man right out of my hair’ and move on. There’s the disappointment, anger and sometimes even shock to deal with. But after a recent dalliance went sour, I was keen to figure out how to get over it fast! Here’s what I did…

No soppy love songs…

As I sat at my desk bleary eyed and drained the morning after it ended, I began listening to Adele for a good two hours straight (that woman speaks to my soul!), and it dawned on me that this was not really helping! I didn’t love the guy, but I did like him a lot. However, since it had only been six weeks I wasn’t prepared to wallow for long and feeding into my sadness by listening to soppy songs for hours was just frankly a waste of time! Don’t get me wrong I like a little wallowing, I do think you have to ride the wave of your feelings but there is no need to further intensify them by listening to love songs. That doesn’t mean music is out of bounds when you’ve been ditched (or been the ditcher – they have feelings too – well some of them), but opt for tunes that never fail to cheer you up or get on board with some girl power anthems.


Figure out what you’ve learnt…

Don’t roll your eyes when I say this, but every experience offers a lesson to be learnt. In my case when you go out with someone who has just come out of a seven-year relationship and their ex comes back on the scene, know to run like the wind the moment he tells you he is confused. Love triangles aren’t my thing, they are messy, insecurity fuelling affairs that I want no part of. So, I asked myself why did I carry on engaging with someone who wasn’t sure they wanted to be going out with me or going out with someone else!? I think it was a few things. I rarely meet men I like and we had a connection that surprised even me, and after being single for so long it was nice to have someone think I was pretty cool. It also fed into my insecurities, and felt like a somewhat normal place to be. When you don’t think you’re that great, it’s not surprising to you when someone considers being with someone else over you. The sane side of my brain knows you can’t compete with a seven-year history and that it wasn’t really about choosing between the two of us, it was more about him figuring out his feelings for her. However, maybe if I had more self respect/confidence/love I would have said bye well before I did (note to self, keep working on that!). If a friend had come to me and told me she was experiencing the same thing I would have told her she’s worth more, and most certainly encouraged her to move on. So from now on I’m going to do just that. The next time I have a dating dilemma, I’m going to lay out the facts and give myself some rational unemotional advice and actually take it!


Get back out there…

I hate dating at the best of times, but in the past every time I’ve stopped seeing someone I’ve taken a dating break. I end up questioning my choice of suitors, wondering if I’m doing something wrong and rather than figure that out I’ve retreated. But not this time! I’m taking my ‘lessons learnt’ with me, so how bad could it be? Closing yourself off from the possibility of meeting another person you click with would just be counter productive, especially if being in a relationship is something you want. I’m not going to force myself to go on a date if I’m not that interested, but I am going to be open from the get-go – which means I can’t pine after someone else at the same time.


Want to learn more about yourself and yearn to change your negative relationship patterns for good? Try Project Love, it truly helped open my eyes to where I was going ‘wrong’ and led me on a path to learning to love myself. Give it a go and get £10 off their amazing course with my discount code ‘amerleyolove’




pic credit @gaiastella

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