Not speaking to someone you love or like a lot is one of the hardest things, ever! It’s crazy to think that once a person has left your life you can feel such an immense void. What’s worse is when that person has made the decision to walk away from you, or has left you no choice but to end the relationship – contacting them should be the last thing you want to do, but for most of us it’s the only thing you can think of. It’s as if all self-respect goes out of the window, and you turn into ‘that girl’. The girl that craves attention, approval, affection from the one person who no longer wants to give it to you.
Nine times out of ten it has very little to do with the person you miss and more to do with what they have taken from you. When the last guy I dated walked out of my life recently, it could not have come at a worse time. Perhaps it’s the January blues or the fact that everything in my life has changed (back to the uncertainty of freelancing), but doesn’t feel like I’m moving forward (still single, don’t own my own place, have no idea what I’m doing with my life half the time etc) – meant that losing the one thing (although far from perfect) that made me happy – feels like the end of the world (yes, I’m being a tad dramatic). After a lot of back and forth, a drunk text and a host of tears I’m determined not to contact him unless he contacts me first. So here are a few ‘don’t text your ex’ hacks I’ve come up with to help me get through this ‘mourning’ phase…
Change their name in your phone book
Ideally we should be deleting their numbers, if it’s over we should walk away with our heads held high and never look back. Sadly, I’ve deleted his more times then I care to remember, so this my friends is the next best thing.
Since he flat out told me he cares about me but doesn’t want to be with me, I’ve renamed him ‘I don’t love you’. Now every time I feel the urge to speak to him, or read our messages I have to deal with the verbal ‘slap in the face’ – a reminder that my feelings weren’t reciprocated – genius! (if I do say so myself). Choose something that will remind you why it didn’t work out – Mr/Miss Selfish, Mr/Miss Emotionally unavailable or simply something like Mr/Miss Not the one – will do the trick.
Block them on social media
This isn’t so they can’t see what you are doing, it’s so you can’t see what they are doing. The more ‘connected’ you are the harder it will be to move on. You saw they went on holiday; you experience a wave of sadness that it couldn’t be with you. They’re out having fun with friends; you’re angry that they seem to be over you so quickly etc. Out of sight, out of mind rings true in this case – the less you know the better.
Write down your texts, just don’t send them
When you’re desperate to text them but are trying to stay strong, write what you want to say in the notes section of your phone. If you’re anything like me, you’re not very good at keeping your feelings to yourself. The more my ex pulled away the more emotional and needy I became. It’s the uncertainty and the fear of losing someone that will do that to you, and for me, it ignited all my insecurities of not being good enough. I inwardly cringe at my behaviour now, so going forward if I get the urge to speak to him, tell him I miss him etc I’m going to write down what I want to say but not actually send it.
Adopt a new mantra
Create a new mantra that puts perspective on the situation, so when you find yourself thinking about your ex you have a ‘pep talk’ ready and waiting to snap you out of your funk, and stop that funk leading to you contacting them. I would suggest going with something positive like ‘I deserve better’, ‘know your worth’, ‘I’m better off without him/her’ etc. You might be tempted to administer a dose of tough love like when you renamed them in your phone book, but, as a daily mantra that could leave you feeling worse in the long run and perhaps even more keen to get in touch with your ex to disprove your mantra.