‘We must perform an Astral divorce,’ she said after reading my tarot cards. You need to sever ties with this person in order to truly be happy with the amazing guy you will start seeing next’. Sorry back-up there lady, ‘an astral what?’, I asked. ‘An astral divorce’, she repeated, ‘this is where you energetically cut the cords and mark your relationship completed in the akashic records (the library of human events, including the events of your life) leaving you energetically free to be with someone else.’
How did I come to be at Urban Retreat, Harrods, the place I usually frequent for massages, mani-pedi’s and blow-dries and end up getting divorced from someone I wasn’t even married to!?
Well, I’d booked in to see Jane Orr as part of my research for a feature I’m working on. Orr is a well respected psychic as well as a trained psychotherapist, which as you can probably guess comes in handy, as most people see psychics (clairvoyants, palm readers etc.) after unsettling experiences, be it a death, break-up, or career change etc. The last thing I wanted to talk about was my recent heartbreak. I’d not left the house for five days prior to my appointment – so painful had the experience been. I really hadn’t felt that low for a very long time, something that had began to worry me. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just the disappearance of someone I cared about, it was also the timing. It’s my birthday on June 7th and with under two months to go, it started to hit me that so many of my dreams have yet to be realised. This failed relationship just added to the disappointment I’d been feeling about my life in general. I let the fear take hold and I began to wonder (and doubt) whether my life goals would become reality. Falling in love and having that person not want to be with me (ouch) was the icing on the (not so yummy) cake that was my life.
I really didn’t want to fall apart in front of someone I’d never met, and I knew talking about him was sure to see me in floods of tears. However, the cards had other ideas. ‘The central theme of these cards you’ve chosen (I picked 10 from a fanned out upside down deck of tarot cards) are all about emotional relationships’, said Orr. 10 of cups was at the centre of the story, which I was told meant that contentment, happiness, and a loving long-term relationship made up the current theme of my inner thoughts. You’re bloody right they do – hello when will I have the life I deserve!? (when you believe you deserve it – note to self).
As Orr read my cards she said that there was someone I couldn’t let go of who would cause me to doubt my next (and significant) relationship. ‘You’ve known this person in a past life, which is why you have this connection that makes it difficult to detach from one another,’ she explained.
She hit the nail on the head there. In fact, I’d found it so hard to let go that I’d recently asked him to meet me for ‘closure’. He wasn’t convinced that seeing one another was a good idea (it had never worked for us in the past), but I thought I could cheat the system and bypass the hurt I was feeling and somehow accelerate the healing process. I thought that perhaps the reason I couldn’t let go was not because of my feelings for him but because I hadn’t had that face to face ‘it’s over’ conversation. Clearly needing someone to tell me in person that they don’t want to be with me makes me a glutton for punishment.
He conceded and we met and we talked, and when he kissed me I knew he would never be able to give me the closure I needed. Thinking about it now I realise that although I loved/love him, I couldn’t let go because I’d lost myself. Not the most confident, self-loving person at the best of times, I felt broken by our relationship. I felt like I’d given him the power to make me feel worthy of love and unworthy of it too (which is not his fault, but mine).
It turned out that talking about him was exactly what I needed. Whether I believed what I was being told or not, I realised that if I didn’t let go of this person who didn’t love me back I wouldn’t be ready, or open to someone else loving me. The prospect of someone new washed away my fears that I wouldn’t ever meet Mr Right, and maybe that hope alongside a double dose of self-respect was exactly what I needed. And if Mr Right is apparently 6ft 3, incredibly handsome, makes me laugh and treats me well, then why on earth would I not cut the cords and move on in preparation for his arrival!?
So, I agreed to the ‘divorce’. Orr began with guided visulisation, which saw me journey to the astral plane (yes I know this all sounds very kooky, but bear with me), once there she put her hands on my head and began mumbling inaudible sentences, before guiding me back down to earth through the roof of Harrods and into the treatment room I was lying in. I asked her what had happened during the minutes where I couldn’t make out what she was saying. ‘I witnessed you both sign the ‘divorce’. He rushed to sign his section, so eager was he to move on, while you lagged behind, but eventually you signed it too,’ she reported. Basically what she was saying was that he’s just not that into you, and that’s what he was saying (despite the back and forth) by not wanting to be with me in the real world. That was the final nail in the coffin for me. Strange that I needed a psychic for that, but so be it.
I walked out of the room and I began to feel like a weight had been lifted. I felt detached, my feelings for him hadn’t changed but my feelings about the situation had done a 360. I had finally come to terms with letting him go.
Do I totally understand what happened? No. Would I recommend seeing Orr? Yes! Are psychics real? Are we really energetically linked to our loved ones? I shall let you make up your own mind. However, this is the best and quickest route to closure I’ve ever experienced.