Dating do’s…6 expert tips for finding the ONE!

I don’t know about you, but I’m always wondering if I’m doing ‘it’ right, and by ‘it’ I mean dating. Now that I’ve started to heal post break-up (thanks to the bizarre experience I had with an intuitive healer – click here for more), I’m ready to put myself back ‘out-there’ and start dating, in the hopes that sooner or later I will find my Mr Right. However, I’ve made my fair share of poor choices, had some majorly embarrassing moments, and had to think on my toes in order to come up with an excuse to cut many a disastrous date short. So, I’ve consulted Joss Wyatt, matchmaker and founder of Date Lab – the psychology and science based dating agency, and relationship coach, Sara Davison, to procure their ultimate dating do’s

1. Make a List…

‘Write down what you are looking for in a partner before you start your search. Concentrate on how you want to feel in a relationship, and what personality traits you are looking for, rather than listing a plethora of physical attributes you’d like your future partner to have. Don’t get stuck with a ‘type’, and try to keep an open mind, as stereo typing will close off options that may surprise you! Once you’ve made your list, whittle that down to five ‘must haves’ and five ‘must not have’s’. This list will stop you from jumping headfirst into a relationship that is no good for you and save you from future heartbreak.’ SD

Making my list was a real eye opener as I realised that I’d dated people that had more than one of my ‘must not have’s’ – um no wonder it didn’t work out! 

2. Identify your Relationship Patterns…

‘Your interactions in early childhood, determine your attachment style. This then goes on to impact your romantic relationships. There are three distinct attachment styles; secure, anxious and avoidant. Take this test to discover what your style is. Knowing your attachment style will allow you to identify previous dating and relationship patterns and help you change future behavior. Plus, you can also look to date people who possess qualities that won’t exacerbate your ‘negative’ behavior. For example, if you have a fear of abandonment, can be clingy etc, don’t date someone who’s a poor communicator, with a tendency to be flighty and unreliable.’ JW

3. Pick-up the Phone…

‘If you’re going on a first date with someone you ‘met’ online, always speak to your date on the phone beforehand. You can tell a lot from an initial conversation (do you like their voice, tone etc?). It also helps to break the ice and makes the first date more relaxed.’ SD

I tried this one and I totally agree. It helped me avoid going on a date with someone who was very strange indeed.

4. Wear Red…

‘Studies consistently show that men find women wearing red more attractive. This is because men think women wearing red are more sexually receptive than their non-red- wearing counterparts. When talking to a woman wearing red, men will tend to ask more personal questions, and will also sit closer to them. If there’s no red in your wardrobe no worries, a swipe of red lipstick will do, as men are more likely to approach women wearing this colour above others. Even carrying a red bag will make you appear more attractive to men!’ JW

5. Make them Work…

‘You’d be surprised by how many people don’t actually ask questions that help them find out if they share the same values or interests as their date. This is mainly because they are too preoccupied trying to impress the other person, in the hopes that they will want to see them again. Remember first dates should also be about finding out if you actually want to see them again – they have to impress you too!’ SD

6. Give it Time…

‘Many people think that sexual chemistry is an obvious prerequisite for a successful relationship. However, the majority of a relationship is spent not having sex. The two most important things for a successful long-term relationship are 1. to be best friends; and 2. to like each other as people. So, when meeting someone new, consider two things first and foremost:1. do I like this person for who they are; and 2. could I be friends with this person. Once you’ve established that, the science of proximity may well help with ‘chemistry’, as it’s been proven that frequency of contact can help you develop more positive feelings towards a person.’ JW

Ax